The Fear

Do you ever feel the fear?
I don't know if I should call my feelings fear or awareness.

The word fear may have more of a negativity about it than what I am talking about, but recently I have been just more aware of how much danger there is in the world. Danger I've never worried about before.

Maybe it's a normal result of having children or maybe it's because I am married to a police officer and really am more aware of what kinds of crazy things could happen, but it is just amazing to me that I made it out of my childhood without any of the crazy, in the news type of story, things happening to me.

My parents put A LOT of trust in me by letting me go almost anywhere with anyone. Luckily I never got into trouble and I always told myself that I too would give my kids all the trust in the world (until they break it), but that seems harder to do now that I actually have children! How will I let them ever go anywhere alone?! Anything could happen.
ANYTHING!
(Another reason why Kyle won't let anyone other than family babysit our kids.)

One comment that I have always found odd when others talk about tragedy is that,

"You never think it will happen to you."

But why?

If crazy things happen to people every day, why would they never happen to you or your family?  Of course they could happen to me.  And I think about scenarios all the time!  Not to the point that the worry is debilitating, but more of a what if... what would I do... how would I react kind of way.

What if one of my children dies?
What if they lock themselves in a hot car and I don't know?

What if Kyle gets shot and dies in the line of duty?

What if my car gets stuck underneath a semi truck changing lanes?
What if the car behind me doesn't stop when I am stopping?
What if someone runs a red light while I'm in the intersection?

What if my child disappears and I can't find him or her?
What if someone steals my car while I'm pumping gas and my kids are in the back?
What if they drown at the pool?
What if they run in the road and get hit by a car or maybe a parade float runs them over?

What if one of my kids were sexually abused, assaulted or raped?

What if one of us became paralyzed?

What if we had a house fire and lost everything or were robbed?

What if one of my kids found a gun in our house and killed someone?

What if one of my kids choked and I didn't know how to save them?

What if that big giant earthquake actually happened?

What if our car slides off a cliff while driving in the canyon?

What if one of us gets terminal cancer?

What if our car crashes into a lake and I can't get the door open?

What if I brake my leg, fall off of a mountain while hiking or my son gets lost at scout camp?
What if I'm in a car accident and get pinned and one of my children is dying and I can't even hold them while it happens!?
What if a drunk driver kills my family? Would I be able to forgive them?
Could I outrun someone that was chasing me?

Does anyone else think about these situations as often as I do?!

There are a million things that could happen.  Bad things will happen to everyone. Whether you are a good person or not.
Bad things happen and it does NOT mean that God doesn't exist.
It's just part of this experience we call life.  Whether your parents get divorced or your husband loses his job or your car window gets smashed.  We can't be prepared for everything, but we try.  There is just no way to protect our families from all possible harm and worrying about it means that we suffer twice.
Someday I'll have to send my kids out on their own to learn and grow and experience life.
Sometimes they'll fall and their feelings will get hurt, but I hope I can know how to best help them get back up. (That's when having the Holy Ghost with me will be a blessing.)We teach our children that they can pray when they are lost or afraid and we teach them the right path to choose so they'll have the best possible chance for happiness.
Our job as parents is to teach them to be independent, self-reliant and accountable for their choices.

But will they be safe?! Will they learn what they need to?
We save extra money and store extra food and make fire escape plans and learn CPR, but what if?

I would hope that I could be calm and prepared, that I could be able to give help instead of needing help. I would hope that my children would come to me with their problems and know that I would love them and try to understand, even when I don't agree with their choices.

I guess all we can do is prepare for the worst and then hope for the best by having Faith and Trust in our loving Heavenly Father, in His perfect plan and in His timing.  I have to believe that things happen for some reason, no matter how awful they may seem.  Even if it's just to help lift someone who will later be in the same storm you've already made it though.
When tragedy does come, He will send his love, comfort and peace to our hearts so that we can continue moving forward, all we have to do is ask.

So, don't let the Fear blind your Faith.  We can't protect those we love from everything that could happen, but everything will be okay in the end.
If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Pedicures, Puppies and Pudding Pops

 Yesterday was Krista's mission homecoming and she did awesome!

The best part though was in between her talk and the Bishop giving her her plaque, when Kasen made it all the way up to the stand and to Krista! Super embarrassing.  Then I brought him back down and he kept holding up goldfish and yelling up to her, "Krista! Goldfish!"

Some quotes that she shared about what she learned on her mission, that I LOVED were:

"Obedience brings blessings, exact obedience brings miracles."

"If you aren't repenting everyday, then you do not understand repentance."

She also talked about how we need to be willing to sacrifice what we want right now because our love for God is greater than our immediate gratification.

The Atonement is not just for Christ to sympathize with us.  The Savior knows where we are, the way out and he wants to help us.

Ahh, missions are AMAZING! Missionary homecoming talks are my favorite! I love just hearing how their testimonies and love for the Savior grow so much in such a short time.

 Aunt Bev and Richard came down for Krista's homecoming too and it was so great to see them! We lived with them in Cedar City for a good 7 months before we could sell our townhouse in Spanish Fork and get an apartment. They saved us and were so good to us! We had a few yummy banana split nights with them and will be forever grateful for their generosity. It was meant to be too because right after we moved to our apartment in Cedar City they sold their house and moved to Logan!

 I went to 3 stores on Saturday looking for donut holes to take to the homecoming.  I finally found some, but it was an adventure going shopping for the first time by myself with two kids.

Bless online shopping!

That day we ate dinner with all 20 of us together for the first time, at Melanie and Kelly's new Knights of the Square table that seats all 12 of the adults!

 Before Flaming Gorge my mom and I went to get pedicures for her birthday that was back at the end of June and loved it!

It was her first pedicure so the massaging chairs were a nice surprise for her.

 She babysat Peeka for us while we went to Flaming Gorge so when I went to get Peeka the next week we got to see her 10 new Golden Retriever puppies!

Puppy heaven!

Kasen passed out the puppies so we were all holding one, or two!

 When we'd go out of the room he'd grab our fingers and say, "let's go, puppies"

 They are so adorable!

I even got to watch them be born on my mom's Facebook Live video.

I wish they all stayed like this forever! They just aren't as cute when they get all big and stuff...
And then they jump out of the car at the gas station and get oily paw prints all over the seat of your car when you put them back in.

Today was the Great American Eclipse. The line of totality ran though Idaho so we only had about 87% here, but this is about how much I cared to see it.

We ate pudding pops and played in the water instead.

 Out of a small curiosity I tried making one of those cereal box viewers, but it didn't work that great. Oh well.

Liddiards Go To Flaming Gorge

Flaming Gorge 2017 was spent at Deer Run campground this year and it rained like it has never rained before! And the only other family that came this year were the Banks.

We drove up Saturday, just a few hours before Whitney and Preston and just in time to say Bye to Hayden and Karissa.

 After Sacrament Meeting on Sunday Lyndsey and Jordan went home and the rest of us played Rummikub inside the trailer, because it was raining.

Rain means Rummikub!

This was also when Kasen fell backwards down the trailer stairs and scratched his face. He has so many scratches on his knees from falling down all week! Twice he fell off the cooler he was sitting on.  Poor kid was on a path to coming home a big giant scab!  But we heard that there wasn't as much blood as when Kallie's finger got smashed in the boat ladder earlier that week!

Charly

 The kids loved playing in the dirt outside and Kasen even still got some wagon rides from Bentley

 Our first night there we slept in the trailer, but the second and third nights we camped out in one of the tents! Kasen and Tai's first time camping in a tent!

 She loved it, as you can tell by her scrunchy nose smile that she has started doing!

Just like when Kasen was this age.

 AND Kasen even slept in pajamas!

Kennedy on the Kneeboard

Presley's first time on the boat

 Getting good use out of my pedicure ;)

 All 4 babies were asleep on the boat at the same time, it was so nice!

Sunny Cove

 Guess what, on Tuesday night it was still raining! So we couldn't start a fire.

So Kyle made us s'mores over the stove!

WITH Reese's.

(Do not get marshmallow sticky anywhere inside Grandpa's trailer!)

Then we played Cover Your Assets while we watched America's Got Talent.

 Kasen's first S'more! He didn't love it though.

 He prefers his marshmallows not melted. Plain so he can shove the entire thing in his mouth!

That night both the tents were so cold and wet that we all slept together in the trailer. With the mouse. It was much more successful to have the 5 kids all in the same room than I thought it would be too! Good thing the trailer can fit 2 pack n' plays.

 

 Wednesday before we drove home I got to try paddle boarding for the first time! It wasn't at all as hard as I thought it would be, I enjoyed it a lot.  Kyle and I had a little race around the buoy.

 And I didn't even fall in!

 Or get pushed in either...

 "King Yao!"

 Kasen loved holding the flag while Bentley tried skiing.

He got up for a few seconds a couple times, so close to cruising across the water.

 Thanks Kelly and Mel for another fun family vacay!