Merciful AND Just

 Today I got to teach Young Women's for the first time, which meant I had a wonderful week of studying the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I loved getting back to what is the most important, central doctrine and life changing event of all human history.
I had read this book before, but have no idea how I forgot how freaking awesome it is!
I re-read it in one day.
It explains so simply why the Atonement is so important and how it works in our lives. In some ways it is incomprehensible, but the way it effects our life does not need to be.
READ THIS BOOK.

 I had actually already been thinking a lot lately about the nature of God and what it is that I believe about Him and who He is.
I have no doubt that God exists. We were not created by accident. We were created very purposefully.

And knowing that there is a God changes everything. It brings on a whole list of other questions to answer, like what role does He play in my life? What does he expect of me? What is required of me to return to His presence and receive exaltation? "Believing in God should affect and change us. It should alter the choices we make."

Knowing the true character of God can be a tricky business. Some people believe that God is only ever full of grace and mercy, that we can do whatever we want and because God loves us or because we say we believe in Christ, we will all be saved in the end. Others have this idea of a God that is just waiting for us to sin and wants to punish us and make us suffer, a God that gives us commandments we are unable to keep so that He can serve justice upon us.
How do we reach that healthy understanding of who God really is and what our relationship with Him really means?
Well, by learning about Him, by testing His promises, by having faith in and following Him.
Pray and ask Him if He loves you. I promise you He does.

What do I know about God?
--He is my Heavenly Father. We are literally children of God. He loves me because I am His child.

"The pedigree of your Spirit can be written on a single line. You are a child of God."

--Jesus Christ is His Firstborn, Only Begotten Son in the flesh.

--I know that God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are 3 separate beings, that God and Jesus Christ have bodies of flesh and bone and that we were created in their image, thanks to the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

"The restoration of the gospel was not just another retelling of the same old stories. It was a restoration of the complete truth that surrounds the stories with purpose and perspective.

The story of the Creation wasn’t new. However, the Restoration added the knowledge of the premortal existence. Now people could understand why God needed to create an earth for His children in the first place.

The story of the Fall wasn’t new, but the Restoration added the knowledge of a mortal probation. Now people could understand why Adam and Eve’s choice was wise and prudent rather than selfish and sinful- and why the consequences, though difficult, were desirable. Now people could understand the God wasn’t blaming or punishing them, but ultimately helping them.

The story of the Atonement wasn’t new, but the Restoration added the knowledge of eternal laws and the spirit world. Now people could understand the reason for the rules and how opportunities to make correct choices are offered many times before any final judgment occurs."

The gospel is more than just good and nice and fluffy. It is a fullness of the truth because it holds the answers to questions that you cannot find answers to anywhere else.

--He is all powerful, all loving, all knowing, and good. He knows the beginning from the end.

--He knows me. By name.

 --He hears and answers my prayers. In His timing and in His way.
--He weeps for us when we suffer.
--He feels what we feel because He has felt it all before. He understands. He knows how to succor His people and He will. He will never leave any of us comfortless. (John 14)
“Well, my dear sisters, the gospel is the good news that can free us from guilt. We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It's our faith that he experienced everything- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don't think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don't experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer- how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced Napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.
Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not also know and recognize. On a profound level, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. His last recorded words to his disciples were, "And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." (Matthew 28:20) He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He's been there. He's been lower than all that. He's not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don't need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He's not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief.
You know that people who live above a certain latitude and experience very long winter nights can become depressed and even suicidal, because something in our bodies requires whole spectrum light for a certain number of hours a day. Our spiritual requirement for light is just as desperate and as deep as our physical need for light. Jesus is the light of the world. We know that this world is a dark place sometimes, but we need not walk in darkness. The people who sit in darkness have seen a great light, and the people who walk in darkness can have a bright companion. We need him, and He is ready to come to us, if we'll open the door and let him.”
― Chieko N. Okazaki

--He guides us to the experiences we need and chastens us when necessary because He loves us.

--He wants me to have joy.

--He wants me to succeed. Gloriously.

--He wants me to obey His commandments.

"Sadly enough, my young friends, it is a characteristic of our age that if people want any gods at all, they want them to be gods who do not demand much, comfortable gods, smooth gods who not only don’t rock the boat but don’t even row it, gods who pat us on the head, make us giggle, then tell us to run along and pick marigolds.

Talk about man creating God in his own image! Sometimes—and this seems the greatest irony of all—these folks invoke the name of Jesus as one who was this kind of “comfortable” God. Really? He who said not only should we not break commandments, but we should not even think about breaking them. And if we do think about breaking them, we have already broken them in our heart. Does that sound like “comfortable” doctrine, easy on the ear and popular down at the village love-in?

And what of those who just want to look at sin or touch it from a distance? Jesus said with a flash, if your eye offends you, pluck it out. If your hand offends you, cut it off. “I came not to [bring] peace, but a sword,” He warned those who thought He spoke only soothing platitudes. No wonder that, sermon after sermon, the local communities “pray[ed] him to depart out of their coasts.” No wonder, miracle after miracle, His power was attributed not to God but to the devil. It is obvious that the bumper sticker question “What would Jesus do?” will not always bring a popular response.

 Jesus clearly understood what many in our modern culture seem to forget: that there is a crucial difference between the commandment to forgive sin (which He had an infinite capacity to do) and the warning against condoning it (which He never ever did even once)."

The Cost and Blessings of Discipleship  by Elder Holland

--He wants me to live with Him again.
--He wants more than anything to pour out blessings upon us.
--He expects perfection.
--He wants me to become as He is and have what He has.
--He wants to help change me into something better than I ever was before.
--Each one of us are of infinite worth to Him and He has made eternal life possible for all.
--But most importantly, "God so loved the world that He gave His Only Begotten Son, that whosoever should believe in Him should not perish, but have ever lasting life." 
--God is LOVE.


So why does the Atonement of Jesus Christ matter?
Because it saves us. He saved us.
He saved us from the effects of the Fall.
From our sins (which prevent us from being able to return to God's presence) and from death.
He gave his life to atone for the sins of all mankind.
Because He LOVES each and every single one of us. That is His motivation. Supreme, perfect, complete and unconditional love.
The price has already been paid, the demands of justice already met.
"There is no other name whereby salvation cometh."
All we have to do is repent. Change. Try to become better.

"Christ asks us to show faith in Him, repent, make and keep covenants, receive the Holy Ghost and endure to the end, By complying we are not paying the demands of justice- not even the smallest part. Instead we are appreciating what Jesus did and using it to live the life of a disciple and follow a pattern set by Christ himself."
 Making and keeping covenants are what bind us to the Savior and give us godly power.

But love for Him needs to be our motive.  

"If ye love me, keep my commandments"

"Follow me and do the things which ye have seen me do."

"True faith is more than knowing there is a God. It is knowing God- His attributes and His relationship to us. It is knowing that He has a plan for us and that we are living in accordance with that plan. True faith in Jesus Christ is more than a declaration of belief or hope. It leads to action."

 

 In order to live in God's presence we have to be perfected. That expectation can not be lowered.

Just like the young priest that gets to try again every time he messes up the words of the sacrament prayer, we too get as many chances as it takes to correct our mistakes. No matter how many mistakes were made and corrected along the way, the final outcome is counted as perfect and acceptable. That is mercy. He makes up the difference. He makes all the difference.

Does He require us to keep His commandments? Yes. Does He require us to make sacrifices? Yes.

Does he forgive and forget every time that we repent? ABSOLUTELY!

The miracle of the Atonement is that He will forgive our sins. That includes not just multiple sins, but also multiple times we commit the same sin. Beyond suffering for our sins, the Atonement of Jesus Christ also reaches every weakness, imperfection, affliction and infirmity we will ever expereince.

Christ is not waiting at the finish line once we have done "all we can do" He is with us EVERY step of the way. He knows how to succor His people and He will.

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. There is always hope.

That is the miracle of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

“However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.” Elder Holland

"All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ."

"His love is greater than our fears, our wounds, our addictions, our doubts, our temptations, our sins, our broken families, our depression and anxieties, our chronic illness, our poverty, our abuse, our despair, and our loneliness. He wants all to know there is nothing and no one He is unable to heal and deliver to enduring joy. His grace is sufficient. He alone descended below all things. The power of His Atonement is the power to overcome any burden in our life. He knows our life situations and that we can always walk with Him no matter where we stand. In any of life’s travels, why would you ever turn away from the only Savior who has all power to heal and deliver you? Whatever the price you must pay to trust Him is worth it." -Elder Robert Gay

 

For "I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands." 

"Jesus Christ is the ONLY religious leader that declared himself to be divine. Buddha did not. Muhammad did not. Nor did Lao-tzu, Confucius, Abraham or Moses. Only Jesus Christ made such a claim and then backed it up by the way He lived, the things He taught and the MIRACLES He performed. Did any of these leaders claim the willingness or power to be able to suffer and atone for the sins of the world? Did Buddha or Muhammad? Did the founders of Hinduism or Shintoism? No. The only one who claimed such a thing and actually completed it was Jesus Christ. While many religions contain part of the truth, and many do much good, they are not all the same. Likewise, all religious leaders are not the same. They enjoy their religious perspectives without understanding who did the work and made such benefits possible. The priceless blessings of the Atonement (which will be a reality for even those who don't believe in Him) didn't just happen by chance. They happened because of Jesus Christ."

BECAUSE OF HIM 

all will live again 

death has no sting 

the grave no victory

we can start again
guilt becomes peace
regret becomes relief

despair becomes hope

we have second chances

clean slates

new beginnings

there is no such thing as the end

Health Challenge

8 weeks ago we started the Six Sisters 8 Week Challenge.

It's just a point system to encourage healthier habits.

 

We got 11 people to do it with us, that each paid $10 to join, and split the money between the person that lost the largest percentage of body fat and the person with the highest total weekly points! Congrats to our winners Corby and Callie!

 I was 2nd place for total weekly points and Kyle was 2nd place for weight loss, but that didn't get us any money. Mostly I've been working on my goal to run 5K in under 30 min. I haven't quite made it yet though. Still have 22 seconds to go...

It would have been a little easier for me if Kyle hadn't been bringing these home to sabotage us.

#addicted

 It was a good challenge to get into some healthy habits though!

I don't do diets. The kind where you cut out entire food groups. I don't believe in them.

They are an unrealistic cycle of guilt and shame. And they aren't sustainable as a long term healthy lifestyle.

I do believe in being healthy and loving yourself though.

I believe that everything should not be about weight or how thin you are.

The way we stop making it about that is by not commenting to everyone we see about "how good they look" and asking, "How much have you lost?" or "What are you doing to lose weight?"

I make it a rule not to comment on my weight or another person's weight. Ever. (Just like I make it a rule to never give my advice to someone who hasn't first asked to hear it.) The person was already beautiful before they lost weight and they are beautiful after. Size doesn't matter and should have no affect on a person's beauty or worth. But making those comments just reinforces society's opinion that thin is healthier and thin is happier.

We can build other people up by commenting on literally anything else that is great about them! 

 My first year in college my apartment had a quote on the bathroom mirror that said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." STUPIDEST quote ever because 1. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than being skinny and 2. Skinny does not equal healthy, which should be the real goal. 

Our relationship with food should not be a stressful, self-loathing thing where we feel guilty all the time. Just nourish yourself. Eat and enjoy. Eat more veggies and less fast food. Eat to simply FEEL GOOD, whatever that means for YOUR body. And feel free to find pleasure in eating, even when you want a treat. Don't feel like you have to "earn" it first. Eat what your body naturally wants and you will binge much less. I feel like practicing self control through portion sizes is much more realistic than trying to count every single calorie you intake. Eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full. Listen to your body. Food does not have to be the enemy. It is wise to be aware, but you don't have to focus every moment on this internal fight of what you can't eat. Making wise food choices doesn't mean you have to give up everything that you love. No way would I ever cut carbs out of my life or think I could just never eat sugar again. That would set me up to either 1. be miserable or 2. feel like a big giant failure.

I believe you can have a healthy relationship with food.

So stop worrying about if you "fell off the wagon this week", telling yourself that your "diet will start tomorrow" or obsessing over how many calories everything has.

Find something you love to do to be active. A little exercise will help you feel healthier a whole lot faster than doing the latest and trendiest diet or wasting money on pills and promises that won't work.

Just do what it takes to feel healthy and that includes mental health which includes a healthy self image. Love yourself. Love yourself for being enough, for being strong for being capable and for being you. Love your body. Love it for what it CAN DO. For being able to grow babies or being able to hike around to experience the beauty of God's creations, being able to kneel down and pray, for our senses and just being able to be alive!

In January I tired a new way to be active.

CycleBar opened in Saratoga and they gave away 3 free rides so I went with Becca and Ashley to try cycling! I was told I would be so sore and even though I felt the fire during the ride I wasn't sore at all the next day. We rode 11 miles and it was super motivating when our numbers were on the screen racing! I did have a bruise on my butt bone from the seats, but other than that it was a good experience of trying something new to be active! I've had gym passes, I've tried yoga and I've been to Zumba. But I always go back to running on my treadmill. Cause it's free. And I'm cheap.

And doing 5Ks with my friends is so much fun!!

 Cheers to health!

Yellow and Blue Make GREEN

 This is my attempt at a green shamrock pancake for St Patrick's Day! Kasen thinks it is a tree... or maybe a piece of broccoli. lol Whatever they are he ate at least 5 of them!

This last week though he randomly announced to me that red and blue make purple! So I asked what yellow and red make and he said orange. What?! How does he know that? 

I asked what yellow and blue make and he didn't know that one. So while we were making our pancakes, instead of using my green food coloring we used the yellow and blue ones to show him that yellow and blue make green!

So now his new thing in the car is to ask, "what does white and purple make? What does black and black make? what does red and orange make? What does while and red make?"

All about those colors.

It's so interesting to see how different Kasen and Tai are in just the little things, like baking for example. Kasen is so patient to let me help him pour things into our mixing bowl. Tai wants to be wildly in control and is very forceful and messy when she tries to pour things in by herself! She does not let me have any of the control when pouring at all.

 I celebrated with another green smoothie, cause last week of our health challenge!

 St Patties was a big day for another reason though because while we were eating our green breakfast we finished listening to the Book of Mormon for the first time together!

Yesterday we bought more Crumbl Cookies to celebrate.

 And talked about how we can pray to Heavenly Father and ask him if the Book of Mormon is true. He will answer us through feelings in our heart by the Holy Ghost that will help us feel warm and happy and peaceful. But also by it's fruits. The way it leads us to do good and brings us closer to Jesus Christ.

Sunday night I got to go see my mom, Annette, perform with a singing group that she is in, The Chauntenette Women's Chorus. My favorite song was, May I Serve Thee. I remember singing that will my mom and sisters in sacrament quite a few years ago and have always loved that song since then. Anyways, Jack R. Christianson was the guest speaker and I loved being able to hear him speak too. Kyle owns his best of collection of his talks that we listen to in the car quite a bit and he is super inspirational! He talked about the relationship between love and obedience. That Christ is able to love perfectly because he was perfectly obedient and He was perfectly obedient because He loves us perfectly. The way we find joy in serving is by doing it out of love, by learning to obey.

 We also got to go on our monthly temple date yesterday morning! Which is getting luckier and luckier to be able to happen on Mondays. Provo is the only temple around that still does Monday morning sessions.

Not only are kids cuter while they sleep, but so are pets.

Peeka here gives me so much entertainment watching how she falls asleep while I read by the fire at night! She's so weird...

 And Tai, she gets out of her bed to rock herself to sleep in the rocking chair. Even though I always read and sing to her in the rocking chair before bed. Then she says, "Mom lay be me!" Oh I love her.

At bedtime Kasen has started to tell me he's going to dream about our family and puppies and then asks me what I am going to dream about. I'll probably dream about Kyle jumping out of bed yelling, "Son of a B, get away from me! Get away from me!" But I will tell Kasen it is something nicer like our family too. lol
I love when I tell Tai we are going to do something she says, "Okay, let's do it!"

 My other favorite thing is when I am sitting down, she crawls up on top of me and then tell me that I am squishing HER!
She and Kasen can be so sweet to each other, but also they have been starting to fight more too.

They tease each other and it's the worst! Like when we go to the food sense classes at the library they fight over who gets to sit on the I for ice cream square on the rug, if Kasen says he wants the basketball spoon then Tai cries cause she wants it, if Tai wants the green plate then Kasen cries cause he wants that one, they fight over who gets to say the prayer, what show they want to watch and if Tai goes to wash her hands Kasen runs to beat her to the stool so he gets to first. I always find it funny though when they fight long enough that one of them forgot their position and starts fighting in support of what the other one wanted in the first place! Kasen is going to be an awesome basketball player though cause man does he know how to over exaggeratedly throw himself across the room when Tai touches him and he doesn't want her to!

They play well together too though. When Kyle took Kasen to the store with him he bought him some cheetos and went to open them, but Kasen said he wanted to wait so that he could come home and share them with Tai and every single Sunday in Sacrament Kasen will always break his tiny, little piece of bread in half to share with Tai, even though she has her own.

Man am I LUCKY to have them be mine!

Joseph Smith

 I've shared what I think and believe about a variety of topics on my blog before, from The Book of Mormon to the standards I choose to live to Jesus Christ, but I have yet to write about my thoughts on Joseph Smith and the history of the Church.

And since that is all that has been consuming my every thought for a little while now I thought I'd write it down to maybe put it somewhere else besides the very front of my mind.

Not to convince anyone else of what they should think and feel, but to help me better understand what I think and feel for myself.

Someone recently said to me, "You have to trust me that what we know would make you see the Church differently at the least."

And I wonder what it is that this person thinks they know that I do not?

Because I am not a blind follower. I didn't just take my parent's word for it when it came to my own testimony and what I believe. I have been open to learning.

My best friend growing up was Presbyterian and I visited her church a number of times. I visited another friends Lutheran church and I've been to a Catholic mass. I learned a little about Seventh Day Adventist from another high school friend, a sliver about Islam from my cousin and about a number of other religions on my mission in Brasil.
When it comes to my religion, I have read the "sugar coated" Gospel Topics Essays published on lds.org, more than once. And I have read a not at all sugar coated article on 'Mormon Faith Crisis', (which is as anti as I will go) I have read the book 'When Mormon's Doubt' (which is awesome!) and I just finished reading a cultural biography of Joseph 
Smith, Rough Stone Rolling.

But I haven't stopped my study at merely feeding my doubts or what will answer only secondary questions. 
(Lawrence Corbridge of the Seventy gave an awesome talk,
Stand Forever, about primary vs. secondary questions. As part of an assignment, he had to read a great deal of material antagonistic to the Church. There isn't much of it that he hasn't read.
"Answers to the primary questions do not come by answering the secondary questions. There are answers to the secondary questions, but you cannot prove a positive by disproving every negative. You cannot prove the Church is true by disproving every claim made against it. That will never work. It is a flawed strategy. Ultimately there has to be affirmative proof, and with the things of God, affirmative proof finally and surely comes by revelation through the spirit and power of the Holy Ghost. Ultimately the things of God are made known by the Spirit of God, which is usually a still, small voice.
We may not know the answer to every question, we must know the answers to the primary questions.")

I have tried to search out sources that feed my faith and help me grow spiritually (through feeling the Spirit and having experiences with the Lord) by learning and applying the basic doctrine that will ultimately improve my life, my spirituality and my relationship with God.

So I have read and re-read The Book of Mormon, Jesus the Christ, Hearing the Voice of the Lord, The Infinite Atonement, the Continuous Atonement, Putting on the Armor of God, The Miracle of Forgiveness, all the conference talks since I've been married, etc. These sources help me answer the primary questions.

And when I hear others say that the Church has lied to them or systematically hid information, I just don't see that from my personal experiences.

Everything I have read about the Church history and Joseph Smith were things that I have already known. I learned these things in seminary and institute. I knew that Joseph Smith was a polygamist and a mason. I know about Mountain Meadows Massacre and that Blacks were denied the Priesthood, all things we believe are not right anymore.

When I read that there are "significant" differences in the First Vision accounts, I don't see that either. I have read all of them and they are very similar to me. If they had all been exactly the same people would argue that it was a rehearsed and memorized lie so Joseph's credibility is whatever anyone wants to see in it either way.

When there are arguments about whether or not Joseph Smith used the Urim and Thumim to translate the Book of Mormon or a seer stone I wonder what does it matter? The point is that he used some divine instrument and DID translate the Book of Mormon. ELEVEN witnesses saw the gold plates and none of them ever denied it, even after being excommunicated from the Church.

Joseph Smith was a regular, human guy. Members who put him up on a level of perfection near Jesus Christ are wrong. He was here being tested, to learn and grow like the rest of us. He went through his own trial and error period and He too had to learn about faith and recognizing the voice of the Spirit. There was a steep learning curve for very imperfect people, making big changes not only in their religion, but also in their culture. "Imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we." -Elder Holland. I guess the way I am able to reconcile his flaws are by separating the man Joseph from the prophet Joseph. To me they are two separate things. I rely on the answers I receive from the Spirit of God because I am never going to have all of the information in this life and the Spirit of God is the only way to know truth.

Elder Uchtdorf said, "Sometimes we think of the Restoration of the gospel as something that is complete, already behind us—Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon, he received priesthood keys, the Church was organized. In reality, the Restoration is an ongoing process; we are living in it right now. It includes “all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal,” and the “many great and important things” that “He will yet reveal.” Brethren, the exciting developments of today are part of that long-foretold period of preparation that will culminate in the glorious Second Coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ."

 In this process the Church progresses. This is a living, breathing Church. The policies change, but the doctrine of Christ does not. “Though his prophet is mortal, God will not let him lead his church astray." -Wilford Woodruff even though the truth will always be opposed.

I love what the Church stands for TODAY. I love the way it helps facilitate the relationship I have with my Savior and helps me study His teachings. Nothing in the Church's history affects the personal relationship I have with MY Savior now or the blessings that living His gospel brings to my family.

The Church, the people and the prophet are not perfect. What is perfect is Jesus Christ, His gospel, His doctrine and His plan of happiness for us. I'm not going to change my life based on any other one person, unless it is Jesus Christ. My testimony revolves around Him being my Savior and what I believe He wants for me. I need His light in my life.
So even though everything inside of the Church is not perfect, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is still the most perfect Church on the earth because it is Christ's. I guess for me the question isn't whether the Church is "true" cause semantics play into what that word means to different people, but whether the Church contains a fullness of Christ's gospel, built upon the foundation of apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief cornerstone (Ephesians 2:20), which I believe that it does. How the fullness of Christ's gospel was restored, is far less important than the fact that it has been restored.

 The purpose of Church on Sunday isn't to fill us spiritually for the rest of the week or the rest of our lives. We are commanded to "feast upon the words of Christ" which means that our spirituality is our responsibility outside of learning at Church. We need to take control of our learning, because it's not the Church's job to teach us everything we need to know and feel for our spirituality. It's not the Church's job to provide us with our own relationship with the Savior. We go to church to simply renew our covenants by partaking of the sacrament. Praying and studying the scriptures are all up to you.

I remember being on my mission when everything just seemed to really click about the gospel and the Plan of Salvation. I had learned about all the different parts, but until my mission I hadn't completely put together how the gospel all connects and makes so much sense and works and is so simple! Beautifully simple.

Because of the fall we die physically and spiritually. Because of Christ's Atonement we will be resurrected and can repent of our sins, saving us from both physical and spiritual death. That is how God's plan is perfect. It takes care of everything.

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism by immersion, the laying on of hands for the Gift of the Holy Ghost, endure to the end. Simple.  
Families sealed together forever, work for the dead, personal revelation, Priesthood; simply beautiful.

One of my most favorite talks ever is Safety For The Soul by Elder Holland. Although hearing him speak it is much more powerful than just reading it! Gives me goosebumps when I watch it.

"As one of a thousand elements of my own testimony of the divinity of the Book of Mormon, I submit this as yet one more evidence of its truthfulness. In this their greatest—and last—hour of need, I ask you: would these men blaspheme before God by continuing to fix their lives, their honor, and their own search for eternal salvation on a book (and by implication a church and a ministry) they had fictitiously created out of whole cloth?

Never mind that their wives are about to be widows and their children fatherless. Never mind that their little band of followers will yet be “houseless, friendless and homeless” and that their children will leave footprints of blood across frozen rivers and an untamed prairie floor. Never mind that legions will die and other legions live declaring in the four quarters of this earth that they know the Book of Mormon and the Church which espouses it to be true. Disregard all of that, and tell me whether in this hour of death these two men would enter the presence of their Eternal Judge quoting from and finding solace in a book which, if not the very word of God, would brand them as imposters and charlatans until the end of time? They would not do that! They were willing to die rather than deny the divine origin and the eternal truthfulness of the Book of Mormon.

For 179 years this book has been examined and attacked, denied and deconstructed, targeted and torn apart like perhaps no other book in modern religious history—perhaps like no other book in any religious history. And still it stands. Failed theories about its origins have been born and parroted and have died—from Ethan Smith to Solomon Spaulding to deranged paranoid to cunning genius. None of these frankly pathetic answers for this book has ever withstood examination because there is no other answer than the one Joseph gave as its young unlearned translator. In this I stand with my own great-grandfather, who said simply enough, “No wicked man could write such a book as this; and no good man would write it, unless it were true and he were commanded of God to do so.”

So I will praise the prophet Joseph Smith for giving His life for Christ's gospel, for bringing forth the Book of Mormon, for his faith to ask God and his courage to face persecution, for never denying what he knew was true. He was a prophet of God. An imperfect person, but a prophet of God nonetheless. He was an instrument to do God's work and I am grateful that he did, because Christ's gospel has changed my life for the best. The revelations that The Prophet Joseph Smith revealed came from heaven.

I believe that Faith is a choice. Believing is a choice that each of us has to make. Every single day. The first step is just desiring to believe. "Faith in Jesus Christ is a gift from heaven that comes as we choose to believe and as we seek it and hold on to it. Faith does not come by chance, but by choice. Faith never demands an answer to every question but seeks the assurance and courage to move forward, sometimes acknowledging, “I don’t know everything, but I do know enough to continue on the path of discipleship.”-Elder Anderson
I loved the movie The Case For Christ and even wrote about some of my favorite parts in this blog post.
"Even is disbelief you take a leap of faith"

In this talk by Sheri Dew, Will You Engage In The Wrestle?, she asks,

"Do you want a testimony?

Are you willing to work for it?

Just because you have questions doesn't mean you don't have a testimony.

None of us are entitled to revelation without effort on our part. Answers from God don't just magically appear. If we want to grow spiritually, the Lord expects us to ask questions and seek answers.

We all have questions. May I answer your questions by posing a question: Are you willing to engage in the wrestle? In an ongoing spiritual wrestle?

Spiritual wrestling leverages the strength of true doctrine to overpower our weaknesses, our wavering faith, and our lack of knowledge. Spiritual wrestlers are seekers. They are men and women of faith who want to understand more than they presently do and who are serious about increasing the light and knowledge in their lives.  

But "doubting not" does not mean understanding everything.            

When questions arise or when blessings you've been pleading for remain unfulfilled, they are not an indication that you don't have a testimony or that the gospel isn't true. They are an invitation for you to grow spiritually." 

To quote someone else that I love, "I may have my questions, but I don't have any doubts. I know this is the true Church." 

I get that truth is complicated, man do I get that, but "If I am honest with myself, I must admit that the Spirit has touched me more than once and the testimony of the Spirit is real." -Elder Christofferson

There is no way I could ever doubt the Spirit I have felt, the experiences I have had or the answers I have received. The only way to know truth is to ask God.

God Lives.

Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world.

The Book of Mormon testifies of Him.

 The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is His restored church upon the earth today, containing the fullness of His gospel.

Teaching me what God requires of me for my happiness and my salvation.

The Freeze Dryer

 All of Kyle's wildest dreams came true last week. He was able to save enough money from his overtime shifts to buy the Harvest Right freeze dryer that he has been researching for YEARS now!

We knew that as soon as we bought a house we wanted to start working on saving food storage. It's been on our list of new years resolutions every year because Kyle feels very strongly about needing to have sufficient food storage for our family. (I love how much he wants to make sure we are taken care of!)

We've gone back and forth a lot about how we wanted to do food storage though and which way is most cost effective. Buy food storage from a company? Make our own food storage by buying a freeze dryer? Just buy regular groceries that we rotate through every so often?

I was content with rotating through food we already use, but in order to have a couple years worth of food we wouldn't be able to rotate through all of it before it went bad and if our power goes out all the meat in the freezer would go bad too.

And for the cost of buying pre-made meals from a company (that include almost no meat) we could buy a freeze dryer and just keep on freeze drying even more food than what they would provide. 

Food that is good for 25 YEARS.

So here is our first batch of freeze dried food!

Tastes great and the kids love it so hopefully I can quit buying fruit snacks pretty soon too!

Our next goal is to grow our own garden in the backyard with a whole bunch of yummy vegetables to add to our food storage. To me a garden sounds super overwhelming. Mostly cause I have no idea how to keep it alive, but luckily I have Kyle and he's going to teach me all about it.

"If ye are prepared ye shall not fear"

The Miracle

We had bought Kasen a white shirt to go with the tie he got for Christmas just in time because today he gave his first little talk in primary!

He told us he wanted to wear the shirt that makes him handsome and that he would be brave in primary. And he did awesome! I wasn't sure he was even going to say anything because a couple months ago he asked to bear his testimony in sacrament then didn't say anything at the microphone.
But we practiced his talk a few times, about how Jesus has power to perform miracles, and even though he got shy a few times, I told him to look at Kyle in the back and the last half he was so excited! He even finished a couple sentences without me saying them to him. It was seriously the cutest thing ever.
He also taught me what an arm noodle is... Never heard of that, but he put each of his hands up the sleeve of his other arm and told me it's an arm noodle. Haha

I wasn't even the one who bought these ties and they just happened to match each other!

He says his prayers all by himself now and hearing what he'll say is the best part of my day!

"The scriptures teach us about Jesus. He remembers us. I love Jesus. He died on the cross. We're thankful we can bless the food. Tai is already eating and dad wants to eat. We love each other and I love all the things."

Also, I heard this new primary song for the first time when I was teaching primary in Cedar City and oh my gosh I love it! It's been in my head this week while we've been practicing Kasen's talk.
 The Miracle

Jesus walked upon the water.
He stilled the storm and calmed the angry sea.
With His hands He healed the leper.
He made the lame to walk, the blind to see.
He fed a thousand people with a loaf or two of bread.
And when the ruler's daughter died,
He raised her from the dead.
Jesus is a God of miracles;
Nothing is at all impossible to Him.
But I know this:
Of all His miracles, the most incredible must be
The miracle that rescues me!
Jesus bled and died to save me—
A price that I could never pay alone.
When He rose again, He gave me
The greatest gift the world has ever known!
Yes, I can be forgiven every time that I repent,
And someday He will lift me up to live with Him again.
Jesus is a God of miracles;
Nothing is at all impossible to Him.
But I know this:
Of all His miracles the most incredible must be
The miracle that rescues me,
The miracle that rescues you and me!

 And then Tai's nursery teacher sent me this! She loves wearing Mr. Potato Head glasses all during nursery! Haha

 This week I also finally said yes to Kasen's much repeated request to take SuperPotamus to the Dinosaur Museum. "Is that a great idea mom?!"

 We found Pachycephalosaurus from the library book we checked out about dinosaurs awhile ago and he can still say it! lol Tai's favorite was "T-rex teeth!"
Kasen's next great idea was eating dinosaur chicken nuggets for lunch when we got home.

 Again with SuperPotamus.
I added my idea to watch Land Before Time and we had a good dinosaur day!

 Kasen drew a sun! He can draw a sun?! How cute is that?! How is he able to draw a sun?!

 When we were Christmas shopping I told Kyle I wanted to get the kids a pair of slippers. Kyle said they wouldn't even wear them so I didn't. But now Tai has found her 1st Christmas slippers and has been squeezing her feet into them to wear around for weeks! Also, they both have been sleeping with their zoo animals from Grammy every single night! She's been calling her giraffe a reindeer though and I have no idea why.

-She counts to 13 quite regularly and always tells me her favorite color is PINK.

-When they aren't listening and I start my count to 3 they both will yell, "FINE!" Tai first learned it from Kasen and it's infuriating.

-She is really good about staying in her room once we've put her to bed though. Even though we leave her door open she has never once come out of her room once we put her to bed!

-She likes putting socks on her hands and calls them gloves. But if her wrists show between her shirt and her "gloves" then she wants me to cover the "hole".

-She likes to spin like a tomato (tornado) and her time frame for us to do anything is always 2 hours.

Her first pig tails are ADORABLE!

 I let Meeko in to be my reading buddy one night, then later that night Kasen was crying in his bed cause he had to pee, but Meeko was on top of him. lol

 I finally got to meet cousin #10, Baylee! She's the tiniest one so far.
And went to lunch with my mom's family for my Grandma Sandy's birthday! We get together for her birthday lunch every year. It used to be just the girls, but we've been letting some guys tag along the last few times. :)