Worthy To Stand
by Jessie Clark Funk
The battle rages on,
In the shadow of another day.
Its harder to be strong,
When so many here have lost their way.
I will give, and I'll fight,
Just to hold on to one ray of light.
In the shadow of another day.
Its harder to be strong,
When so many here have lost their way.
I will give, and I'll fight,
Just to hold on to one ray of light.
I will give all that I am,
And put my life in heavens hand.
Even when good men fall in every land,
I'll be worthy to stand.
And put my life in heavens hand.
Even when good men fall in every land,
I'll be worthy to stand.
I will not despair,
I will listen for the Master's call.
I will be prepared,
I'll be ready to surrender all.
I will go, I will do
Be the witness that I promised to.
I will listen for the Master's call.
I will be prepared,
I'll be ready to surrender all.
I will go, I will do
Be the witness that I promised to.
I will give all that I have
And put my heart in heavens hand.
I'll defend the cause of truth in every land.
I'll be worthy to stand.
And put my heart in heavens hand.
I'll defend the cause of truth in every land.
I'll be worthy to stand.
When the war is won,
And the battles of this life are through,
When the Savior comes,
And the Earth is whole and new
And the battles of this life are through,
When the Savior comes,
And the Earth is whole and new
I will fall, on my knees,
For the mercy he has shown to me.
I will give all that I am,
Just to touch his pierced and wounded hands.
For the mercy he has shown to me.
I will give all that I am,
Just to touch his pierced and wounded hands.
When He gathers every soul from every land
I'll be worthy to stand
This song has been playing in my head on repeat for almost a week now. I've loved this song ever since I brought it home from EFY and even remember listening to it on my mission in Brasil. I was riding in the back seat of Juliana's car in my very first area. It was POWERFUL then and it's powerful now.
This is just one of those songs that always brings the Spirit when I hear it.
Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes living the gospel is hard. The pressures of society will always make it hard. Those pointing their fingers from the great and spacious building make it hard to not feel ashamed sometimes. But I also know that partaking of the fruit of the tree of life will fill my soul with exceedingly great joy! So I will cling to that rod. I will do hard things and I will keep my promises.
Which is one of the reasons I LOVE Kyle so much! He is my rock when I ask him questions and get those fleeting thoughts about if we are just wasting our time trying to do what's right.
He has no problem calling "Bull Crap" on any reason anyone has for wanting to leave the Church.
I wanted so bad to be able to save the Marco Polo he sent me over the weekend, but it was too long.
So I am writing it down to keep it FOREVER in my blog book and re-read it.
"I have tasted life without the gospel and I know how dark it is and
in that moment when you can’t see the bigger picture type deal because yeah
when I was leaving the church and had nothing to do with it, I thought I was
completely fine, what’s the big deal? It’s what I wanted to do. I had questions
and it was easier to leave. I’m gone. It wasn’t until I got to a point that it was so
dark that all of a sudden I started to bring light back into my life and I was
like, "holy fetch I am completely in the dark!" And then I saw a contrast. I got a
bigger picture. But if all you have ever seen is light in your life, like Adam
and Eve, then you don’t know the good from the evil. The grass is always greener on the other side. Of course
you’re going to question or doubt and reason with yourself of why you believe
it, if you’re missing something or if you’re wasting you’re time. That’s
definitely run across my mind. That’s why I love that we’ve read 'The Armor of
God'. Knowing your enemy is the only way you’re going to know how to defeat him.
You could come and ask me, “Hey would you want to leave the
church?” Fetch! It would be so much easier! I could go and gamble, could do
whatever I wanted and not feel bad at all, no feeling guilty, yeah! Tempt me
with that. That is what the natural, worldly part
of me definitely would think sounds so much easier and fun, but then the
Spirit part of me, the part I’ve learned to trust, the part that I know has lead
me to the best things in my life, that’s the part that I feel inside me that is
grabbing for everything it’s worth just saying, "No. Never!" It is worth every
single thing I have to sacrifice and go through to be where I am, to be in the
church, to be with you in the church, with my family and be working towards an
eternal family and have that relationship with Heavenly Father. That part in me
would never allow it. Yeah it sounds easier, but that part of me knows what is
better, what is best. And I’ve said this before, with some of the things I have
gone through and the thoughts and different questions I’ve had, if I wanted to
I could talk a lot of people out of the church or even out of God, but I go
back to those experiences that I’ve had that I know there is a God.
If you aren’t a part of this church where are you going to go?
You want me to poke holes? Cause what kills me is the people that say they want
to go look around. Do it. Cool. But go look at that other church and look at it
the exact same way that you’re looking at this one. Negatively. I want you to
go find all the parts or points in it that are wrong cause I sure can do it for
you! Especially in Christianity, it’s not hard. If I wasn’t to believe in this
gospel there is a good chance I’d be more atheist than anything else. Cause
what are you working for? What are you living your life for; to die and be
gone? Be done. Life is over. Family means nothing. It’s all just materialistic.
You’re just an evolved being that is just here to live life for no reason. The
fiber in my being says that’s not true and that’s what I trust and that’s what
I’ll always trust.
People can go say what they want and do what they want. I feel bad for them because I know where they’ll be able to
get more happiness. But I don’t judge at all. If that’s what you choose that is
best for your family, good luck. I really wish the best for you. I know that
this is where the most happiness is for me and mine. I’d love to talk to people
and for them to know that it doesn’t affect me if you are part of a different
church. If you attack my church it doesn’t affect me. I didn’t get answers from
you so I don’t care. I’d love to know what you think and feel, but it’s not
going to change my mind. It doesn’t bother me.
People are going to come and go. It’s going to get harder to
be a member of the Church. But at the same time it’s fulfilling prophecy. People
leave and don’t realize that they are just fulfilling prophecy. But people can
do what they want.
I know how I have gotten answers and how I feel.
Everybody has got to figure it out for themselves, how it
feels to them, the Spirit. Even if you do feel the Spirit there are plenty
people that still turn away. It doesn’t matter. Satan wins sometimes. He wins a
lot of battles, but he’s going to lose the war. You can see over and over times
that he’s won.
People have agency. People have felt the spirit and they are
going to choose not to believe. They are going to be deceived and it’s going to
continue and it just sucks. Maybe part of what drives me is being competitive
enough to know that I’m going to win this thing in the end. I can’t help but
think about what it will be like in the next life. There is so much evidence of
this gospel being true and this church that to leave you’re questioning a lot
of doubts and ignoring a lot of things that support it. Especially things that
come from God, which no man can explain. All I know is that we will keep doing
our best and keep following God. It’s what we do and we’ll have fun doing it!"
Man do I ever love him! That right there is one of the biggest reasons why.
In last week's Come Follow Me lesson I read about Jesus being tempted by Satan. The adversary sought to plant doubt in the Savior's mind saying, "IF thou be the Son of God." But HE KNEW WHO HE WAS. That line was so powerful to me! To resist doubts, to resist Satan's lies, to resist temptation we only need to know who we are.
Who are you?
I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me.
I don't believe that those whom have chosen to leave are weak or lazy. They are leaving BECAUSE they are the VERY ELECT. Because Satan knows who they are just as much as Heavenly Father does. (Matthew 24:24 "they shall deceive the very elect.") Many are leaving. Some have already come back and maybe others never will, but truth will still be truth even if nobody believes it.
Maybe some would say that I am the one being deceived. deceived by my own feelings, deceived by leaders of the church, but the way I look at it, if I get to heaven and find out that all of it was a lie then I have lost nothing.
But if I get to heaven and find out that it is all true then I gain EVERYTHING.
Just like Nephi says in 1 Nephi 11:17 "I know that he loveth His children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." But I know enough. Even hoping to believe is enough.
I will doubt my doubts before I doubt my faith because whether you are looking for excuses not to believe or reasons for why you should, YOU WILL FIND THEM.
I will doubt my doubts before I doubt my faith because whether you are looking for excuses not to believe or reasons for why you should, YOU WILL FIND THEM.
I'd been wanting a spiritual experience.
I had one this week. It wasn't the one I wanted. Not at all was it the one I wanted.
But maybe it was the one I needed. It gave me the extra reason I needed to know that I am not wasting my time.
All I hope for anyone is that they can just find their happy too.
All I hope for anyone is that they can just find their happy too.
Wow this is the most hurtful thing I have ever read. I think these kind of opinions should be kept private not on public display. I have found the truth and it devastated me to my core. We aren’t leaving because the grass is greener. We left because everything is a lie. I am broken. My identity is gone. I was deceived by something I loved more than life itself. How dare you say the things you did! Go ahead and be on your high horse. That’s just another reason I don’t want to be apart of this religion. Because of people like you. I’m done feeling inadequate and with the threats on me and my families salvation. You live your life and I’ll live mine. I just request privacy as my family and friends go through our own faith crises.
ReplyDeleteIt breaks my heart that you feel like my intent was to threaten anyone's salvation. I feel like everyone should be able to find whatever it is that makes them happy and attacking me for expressing my thoughts and my beliefs is just as wrong as what you are accusing me of doing. I can't imagine what someone goes through when they are faced with these kinds of decisions and I feel for how hard that change is. I know they are real feelings and hope they wouldn't be made on a whim, but I should be able to defend what means the most in the world to me too. I just never thought it would cause someone I love to not want to be my friend anymore. I could never cut someone out of my life for what they choose to believe. I don't feel like I am on a high horse at all... I am not better than anybody else. Like I said we are all here trying to do the best we can and I am really sorry that you chose to be offended and take so personally something that wasn't meant to do that at all. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I love you just the same no matter what you believe.
ReplyDeleteIn what world is it not offensive to tell someone that Satan has deceived them? Like, the arrogance. Your post is full of smug pronouncements that are very hurtful to those that read them. And you didn’t mean to cause offense…..give me a break. Like what your saying between the lines (shall deceive the elect, doubting your doubts, Lehi’s dream) is offensive. What does it mean when you tell someone they are in the great and spacious building? Really? I know what it means. And I don’t care what it means. But I do care that YOU think I’m in the great and spacious building. How can you have a genuine relationship with someone that you so obviously and clearly look down on? Like I know what the church teaches, I just hoped that our relationship would be worth more than a cliched church lesson to prove a self-righteous point. I think that you want to believe “everyone should be able to find whatever it is that makes them happy” but with references to Lehi’s dream, Satan’s victories, and Satan’s deception it’s quite clear that you don’t believe that. You’re essentially saying, “if you’re not a part of my church, then you’re in Satan’s grasp!” which is offensive and hurtful.
ReplyDeleteYou may not have been attempting to threaten anyone’s salvation or give the impression that your better than people that left the church, but with your religious illusions and gems like “Maybe part of what drives me is being competitive enough to know that I’m going to win this thing in the end. I can’t help but think about what it will be like in the next life,” It’s really hard to believe you. Maybe the context I find in this quote is non-existent, like you claim. But to me, that quote isn’t even subtle. It’s a slap in the face.
You ABSOLUTELY have a right to “defend what means the most in the world to me.” But the word “defend” infers that your beliefs have been attacked. Who attacked them? I get the impression that in this post you are defending your own beliefs against your own doubts and hanging your friends and family out to dry as you do so. And that’s a shame.
With warmest regards.
-Natasha
DeleteI feel like the way you must be hearing what is written is much different than how I am trying to say it. Maybe talking on the phone would help, I don’t know. I suppose we don’t know each other as well as we thought we did either though. But I do care to understand. Yes, perhaps some of what I wrote was from a place of hurt, but not to hurt anyone else. It’s my hurt.
DeleteSince you left the church wouldn’t it be fair to say that you also think I am being deceived. Our feelings mirror each other. I may feel that those who left are being deceived, but they in turn would also believe that I too am being deceived. But I am okay with you thinking that. It doesn’t change me still wanting to be your friend.
I didn’t mean that anyone specific is in the great and spacious building. I meant that society is the great and spacious building and that I myself have felt ashamed before of my beliefs because of what society believes to be right. I have even felt it from members inside the church. I wrote about it back in July of 2014. My testimony on my blog isn't new.
I do believe I can have a genuine relationship with people who believe differently than I do. My best friends growing up until now are people that weren’t members or have left. I don’t look down on you. I don’t even know why you left so yes, I am confused, but I don’t look down on you. I am trying to make sense of things for me and reassuring myself.
The rest of what you quoted is from Kyle. Most of this blog post is quoting Kyle. His bluntness is less than sensitive, but it didn’t sound that way to me when I was hearing him say it.
You didn’t attack my beliefs, but you did attack me. Society attacks my beliefs every day and I do want to defend them. Just as much as you want to and should defend yours. I’m sorry that you were hurt and will respect your decision of not wanting to be my friend anymore. I do love you though.
I love all of my family and I know this is a painful period for many of those whom I love. Each has their right in their private space to share the feelings of their heart and should be able to do so without being attacked. She has nor taken the initiative to go to someone else's space and push her testimony on them... if you do not want to know what is in someone else's mind or heart then do not go to their space searching for their words and thoughts. Our family is capable of loving one another regardless of individual beliefs, as we have done for years. I know this is a difficult period, but please be mindful that in the end our relationships with each other are more important and we can and will find a new normal that continues to value those relationships. I love you all.
ReplyDeleteThis conversation really isn’t going anywhere. People reached out to me and told me about Ambers blog and how terriblely hurtful it was. So I guess I let my curiosity get the better of me and went on to her blog to see what could be so bad. And unfortunately I found what is HURTFUL IGNORTANT and INSENSITIVE to your loved ones that are struggling with the Mormon faith. I didn’t go searching for Ambers blog to start a fight. I was so disturbed by what I read that I could not be silent. I don’t think it’s fair to label me as an “attacker” you posted this first and I responded. If you don’t like responses like this maybe you should keep a private journal. But I don’t really believe you should do this, you have the right to put your feelings on public display. But I have the right to read it and respond to it, without being accused of “looking for trouble” or that I should have just not read it. I had no idea what I was going to read! Now believe me, I will never read one of your blogs again. And kyles words are barbaric! Insensitive is an insulting word to use for his behavior. The fact that you won’t acknowledge how hurtful the things that he said and you posted are is why I can’t begin to heal our relationship. You need to own what you said. Not try and back peddle and consistently accuse me of misinterpreting everything you said. Your words are literally in black and white. And I NEVER put how I feel about you continuing to follow the LDS faith on public display like you did. Why? Because I respect you and would never want to say hurtful things to make me feel better. I thought you felt the same, but you don’t. I am also confident in my descision of leaving the church and I don’t have the need to post my feelings everywhere and put others “in their place”. I do NOT care if you stay Mormon the rest of your life, I would expect you too. I don’t want religious lessons thrown at me and my family the rest of my life though. I want to be treated the same. Why do you have to label either one of us and being “deceived”? Why can’t we agree to disagree on religious choices and continue on like normal? No body has to be right or wrong in their beliefs. I do expect us to have a mutual respect for each others beliefs and for the bad talking and passive agressive blog posts to stop. That’s what I meant by in my first response when I said you live your life and I’ll live mine. I believe our relationship can be healed. But not until a better understanding is reached. And you can better realize the hurt you and Kyle have caused. For now I am angry, hurt, and disappointed.
ReplyDelete