Thoughts and Throw Backs

 Back when I was in 9th grade I was "recruited" and my mom paid for me to take classes at the John Robert Powers acting and modeling talent agency in Salt Lake. It was another one of those things that I tried that I didn't end up being good enough at to go anywhere (like gymnastics and cheer leading), but I liked the runway modeling classes anyway. Not so much the improv class, but I still got some cute head shots for the resumes that I took to the couple auditions I went on.

 Anyways, I remember when we got the proofs back that I was so excited to take them to school to show my friends and that maybe people would think I was pretty and like me more (mostly meaning the boys I had crushes on). It didn't work though! haha
I was fairly quiet and shy, never vocal to the boys that I liked.
Once I was in high school I ended up going to ONE boys choice dance at my school. My first kiss happened after I graduated.
 Looking back I could have taken that a lot of different ways, such as getting down on myself by thinking that I wasn't pretty enough or I could have tried harder and maybe created more heartache by having serious relationships too soon.
Mostly I am so thankful that I knew who I was and had an inner confidence and self esteem beyond caring about how popular I was and whether or not so and so liked me.

I believe that confidence came from my testimony. A testimony that not many youth that young have.
A testimony that I was a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loved me no matter what and having a small perspective of the bigger picture and what really matters after high school ends (which isn't how many name brand clothes you wore). A testimony that happiness comes from living what you believe and the importance of knowing what you believe.
Confidence comes from simply LOVING WHO YOU ARE. You need to love you for you, not because of your size or your fortune or fame or followers. When you love you for you then it's easy to get up when you fail and you can focus on your quality life experiences rather than what others think about them.

I was so lucky to have good friends in High School though. Not meaning that all of them shared my same standards, but that they supported my standards and never asked me to change them. It's unfortunate that some "friends" that seem to be most accepting of others are those making "bad" choices that they want others to accept and/or participate in, on order to help them feel better about themselves. It really is so important to surround yourself with those who encourage you to do good and be the best you that you can be though.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't take the opportunity to try lifting others who are struggling, but remember who you are and where you want to end up while you do it.

 It is interesting how friendships go through phases though.

For years after high school I didn't talk to my friends much. 3 of us went on missions, a few got married before that, and some moved to go college- so it hasn't been until recently that we've been in touch more often again. I think it's just easier now that we're all in the same phase of life again. All 12 of us are married now, 10 of us have kids and it's been so fun to reconnect the last couple years!

Almost like nothing changed, but like everything changed too.

Nearly all of my friendships, not just from high school, have had a fade out phase sometime since the beginning, but I am just so grateful for the ones that have come back. 

They are the real thing. "Capital R capital T. Don't worry those are the right letters!" -Chandler Bing ;)

I'm grateful for the low maintenance friendships that can last when time goes by in between visits. Not all friendships can be the higher maintenance ones- as much as I LOVE those ones too!

So thank you to all my different types of friends that have helped me have confidence and feel good about myself and my choices. You've all contributed to my self esteem by being my friend and letting me be me!

"You don't need everyone to like you, just a few good people."